There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
