why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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