apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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