My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
