Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
