meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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