giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
