Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
