maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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