Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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