I wish my penis had an off switch
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
