saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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