I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
