I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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