my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
