You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Michael Bay diarrhea
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As shirtless as possible
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
