Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
