that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
