i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
