Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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