why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
