Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize