I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
