I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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