Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
