Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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