True but thats because hes a fetus.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
