I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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