He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
