A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
