I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
