dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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