I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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