So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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