There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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