Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
