I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
