if you like me you must not know who I am
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
