I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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