I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize