i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
