Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
