I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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