Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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