i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
