I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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