he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
