I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
