my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
