bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
