He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
