Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
