Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
