tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
