yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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