Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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