I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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