When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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