Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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