Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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