Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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