I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
