You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
