I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
