You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
