Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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