How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
