He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
