WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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