Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
