i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
