Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
